He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
