I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
