Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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