Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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