I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
