Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
