it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Randomize
