You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
