I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
