is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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