College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
