I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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