Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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