i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
