I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Randomize
