Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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