Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
