wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
