i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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