Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
