never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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