i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
