So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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