this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
