I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
