haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
