If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
