JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
