I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
