Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
