so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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