So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
