In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
this just has baby written all over it
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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