his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
