i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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