this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
