UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
