Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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