I seem to have left my pride at pride
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
