I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
