I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
