Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
