Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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