A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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