did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
