i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
