You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
