All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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