Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
