Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
